If I loved my child, I would never consider adoption.
You may assume other people will think you are uncaring, selfish and don’t love your child for even thinking about placing your child for adoption. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is only the wisest of women who can look honestly at their own life circumstances and make the hard decision that parenting a child at this time in their lives is not what is best for their child or for them. A woman who can follow through with a tough decision that will be difficult emotionally, but is what is best for her child, is a courageous and loving mother indeed.
No one could possibly love my child as much as I can.
It is difficult to imagine that someone else could love your child as much as you do, that is, until you meet the family you have chosen to be the parents of your child! You will be amazed when you see how strong the adoptive parents’ emotions are about loving your child – a child they haven’t met yet. Adoptive parents have usually been waiting for years to be parents. And all that time they have been storing up their emotions - just waiting for the moment when they can release them and shower their love and affection on a child.
People will think that I’m not taking responsibility for my actions.
Being “responsible” and being a good parent is about making decisions that are best for your child. That could mean deciding not to parent your child yourself. Choosing to parent when you aren’t ready, or really just don’t want to right now, may not be what is best for either of you. If you’re not ready to be a parent right now, placing your child with an adoptive family who is may be the most responsible choice.
People think I should forget about my child and never look back. Your child will forever be a part of you whether or not you have an ongoing, active relationship with the adoptive family. “Trying to forget” just holds you in a place of sadness. When you begin to appreciate yourself for making the tough decision for the benefit of your child, you will feel proud of yourself and the wonderful life you created for your child. You will never want to forget your child or your experience with the adoptive family.
I will feel sad and regret my decision the rest of my life.
If you choose to place your child for adoption, it will be a life-changing experience for you because it will be a challenging adventure. You will attain a higher level of maturity that will put you in a new place. It will open up your eyes to things you’ve never even thought about.
I will never know how my child is doing or that I made a good decision.
When you choose a family for your baby, one of the factors in choosing will be their willingness to keep in contact with you on level that meets your needs. So you’ll choose a family that you can depend on to keep you informed and to answer your questions as your child grows up.
I’ll never get over the pain of giving up my child.
You may be afraid of feeling very sad after placing your child for adoption. You may fear that you will never feel anything but loss and grief for a long time. There is no doubt that sadness is a part of the adoption process. The beautiful thing about adoption is that along with some sadness, and in even greater amount, is joy! Joy for having created a new human being. Joy for having given your child a life full of love and nurturing and a bright future. In time, your heart will not only heal, it will be filled with pride and joy.
A child doesn’t really need a father.
Growing up in a loving home where both parents contribute to the child’s development will positively affect a child’s self-esteem, relationships with others and life achievement. Studies show that children benefit from having two nurturing parents who can provide positive male and female role models.
I can parent without the baby’s father.
If you and the baby’s father don’t stay together, he still retains all the rights of a father and can interfere with your parenting and demand equal time with the child over the next 18 years. And there is no guarantee he will give you any financial support. The baby’s father is never truly “out of the picture” unless his rights are terminated in an adoption.
My child may hate me for choosing not to parent. When you choose the adoptive family for your child, you are choosing the people who will help your child feel good about who he is, which includes how he feels about being adopted. Because the adoptive parents you choose will naturally love you, you child will grow up loving you and the choice you made to give him the best possible life.
My child may hate me for choosing not to parent.
When you choose the adoptive family for your child, you are choosing the people who will help your child feel good about who he is, which includes how he feels about being adopted. Because the adoptive parents you choose will naturally love you, you child will grow up loving you and the choice you made to give him the best possible life.
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